Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
