Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
