so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
