dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
