I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
