im six kinds of drunk right now
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
