If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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