all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
