I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
