sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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