My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
