Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
