Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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