sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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