Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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