I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
