Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
