My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
