I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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