Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
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