just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
