i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
