Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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