You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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