So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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