they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
