When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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