Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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