I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You can't motorboat a personality
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
