He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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