Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
