Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
