well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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