I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
