I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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