Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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