Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
