she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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