please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
