im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
