i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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