she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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