Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
