they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
