genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Randomize
