You're completely useless in the revolution.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
