Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i will never coherently bang her
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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