My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
