she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Too much gin, very little bucket
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
