My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
