2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Randomize
