i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
