hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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