Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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