I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
