She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
