i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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