from now on my penis is your penis
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
