Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
