Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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