he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I want a musical about memes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
