Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
