Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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