You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
