But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
