she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
