Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
