help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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