what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
