I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
